Prevent this #1 mistake after divorce
February 11, 2023 | By Matina Singh
Separation and divorce bring many mixed emotions, and the equation becomes more challenging when children are involved.
When I got separated, I was emotionally in despair, yet one thing I kept reminding myself of was that MY relationship with him had ended, not my children’s. This reminder has served me over and over again. Leaving a high-conflict relationship and still thinking about what is best for the children isn’t easy. Yet, it was important to me!
I put a few rules in place to make it easy on myself. The rules were:
- Don’t bad mouth their father.
- Speak in plain language to my children and keep reminding them that it has nothing to do with them.
- Give myself the space to process my emotions when I am alone.
- Remind myself to act only on things that are in the highest interest of my children.
- Tell my children that they can come to me whenever they want to talk or miss their father.
Children suffer as much as we are! Yet we are adults who can work through our emotions, but they need guidance. It is essential that they feel loved by both parents. If this is not possible, use books to help them understand.
One book that helped us significantly was, The Invisible String. As I read the book to them, I reminded them that even though they weren’t seeing their dad, he still loved them. That they are connected to him with an invisible string. And that when they hug themselves with him in mind, he will feel that love.
Another thing that helped them was a photo pillowcase with a picture of them with their dad. As they fell asleep, they could feel him close to them.
One of these ideas may serve you too.
Over the years, I have heard many stories of single parents struggling with their own emotions, letting that cloud what is best for their children. Don’t let that be you!
Yes, as parents, we will make mistakes. I did too! There were a handful of moments when my anger got the best of me. And this is OKAY too! As long as we go back and share that whatever was shared was due to our emotions and what you meant was X. This teaches them that we as parents make mistakes too.
Every child wants to belong. They are a part of two people, and when we say that one parent is wrong, they see it as a part of them is wrong too! Give your child(ren) the security of love, connection, and belonging. This is the best GIFT parents can give their child(ren).
If you are struggling with intense emotions towards the other parent, book your FREE discovery call with me, and let’s talk about how to release them.
Keep mastering your self-image so that your unique light can outshine the world!
With love and gratitude!
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