Self-love and dating
January 28, 2023 | By Matina Singh
I have felt judged, vulnerable and excited in the last three years of my dating journey! Being on any dating app feels foreign to me. See, I grew up in a household where dating was a NO GO! We were expected to marry within our culture with my parents’ blessing. And so, I did! Sadly, my marriage didn’t end up being the happily ever after I had hoped for.
To give you some context, it has been seven years since I have been on my own. Initially, I had no interest in being in any relationship. I felt heartbroken and hurt and wanted to be far, far away from men in general. I worked on myself and my relationship with my children.
Till the pandemic hit! Being in isolation and only speaking to children made me realize how ready I was to have a partner again. Someone I could talk to, I could be myself with, and someone who would brighten my light. But just before starting my dating journey, I went back to The Ultimate Relationship Program by Tony Robbins, which helped me get clarity on the type of partner I wanted to be and bring into my life. I had done this program while working on myself to gain clarity on what I wanted to get into my life for when I was ready.
I re-read my vision and could still see myself in that. So, I thought now I am ready to start my dating journey! In the last three years, I have gone from one dating app to another and chosen to meet only a handful of people. A few of my friends told me to loosen up and have fun with it – what does that even mean? In my head, I was like, “You know this doesn’t come naturally to me, right?”
I also have felt that I am judging others before I have even spoken with them! All that left and right swiping and then hoping that someone will like you too…gosh! Along the way, I have gone months and months without an app because I needed a break from it all! Telling your life story repeatedly can be tiring and incredibly frustrating when the other party doesn’t know what they want!
However, this blog isn’t about my struggles in the dating world; it is about the insights I have gained in the last three years, which I would like to share with you today.
See, I had this unknown benefit; I knew precisely the type of relationship I wanted to bring into my life. Self-love taught me so much more than I could ever imagine. I want to share my learning in the hopes that you will benefit from this too. Before I share these insights, know that we can all have a ‘checklist’ in our heads of what we want, but it is as much about the journey as it is about finding the right person.
What self-love has taught me throughout my dating journey thus far:
- I felt comfortable sharing my ideal relationship without fearing acceptance. If the person couldn’t relate, it simply meant that he wasn’t the person for me.
- Instead of impressing someone, I was focused on asking questions that would give me insights if that person was right for me.
- Having shared values is more important than having the same interests, age, or life journeys. Values go deeper and help you build a strong foundation.
- People love to talk, and listening can give me more insights! So, I started listening more than speaking.
- ACTIONS will always speak louder than words. If someone says they will call you or meet you or do something for you and they don’t – choose to believe their inaction more than their words. Of course, sometimes there is an explanation for something not happening, but it can’t be a habit. If it is – move on!
I am sure I will find my person in divine timing and when we both are ready to come together. Until then, I will continue to build the best person I can be for myself and my environment. I hope you will too! I haven’t created my 2023 Lifebook yet (yes, it is essential to rewrite and fine tune it as I continue to evolve), so I will focus on that in the next few weeks. The more clarity I have of my ideal life, the more clarity I can bring to the life journey that I am writing.
For you, continue to work on yourself, because when you can love every part of yourself and find forgiveness for yourself, you will be able to show up with a renewed lightness that will radiate so much stronger.
Keep mastering your self-image so that your unique light can outshine the world!
With love and gratitude!
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