5 Steps to release the '5 stages of grief' after divorce
March 25, 2023 | By Matina Singh
Grief is a natural occurrence when it comes to divorce/separation/break-up. Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross created a model named, the 5 stages of grief. She explains this model in her book “On Death and Dying”. Divorce/separation/break-up is seen as a ‘social death’ and can trigger a grief response.
The 5 stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It is important to note that these stages don’t need to happen in sequence. Some experience one stage for a long period of time, while others skip a stage completely.
For me, denial and bargaining happened in the last few years of my marriage. I kept trying and telling myself that things would get better if I did this or if I didn’t show my frustration. Sadly, that wasn’t the case.
When I started the process of divorce, I felt a lot of anger. Mostly anger towards myself, which isn’t helpful at all. Yet, I needed to process what I had been suppressing for so long and allow it to come out. Then I experienced depression, which just made me feel very sad. Sadness can impact your life in a way that you don’t want to do anything or deal with anyone. It is very isolating.
The final stage, acceptance, doesn’t mean that your reality has changed but your feelings towards it has. This is a good sign to show that you are moving on.
Over the years, what I have learned is that behind these 5 stages of grief, there are emotions that drive that behavior. So what emotions are behind each stage then? Let me explain:
- Denial is driven by anxiety, fear and/or insecurity.
- Anger is a secondary emotion that is driven by fear, loss and/or sadness.
- Bargaining is driven by self-doubt and/or anxiety.
- Depression is driven by sadness, worthlessness, and/or lack of hope.
- Acceptance is driven by contentment and/or relief.
Every time we dive deeper and start understanding the root of the action, we raise our awareness and the ability to change significantly. This is why I share with you the 5 steps to releasing the 5 stages of grief.
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Denial:
Identify your fears, what triggers anxiety and insecurity for you right now. -
Anger:
Identify if the anger you are feeling is towards yourself or towards another person. Once identified, name a few situations which bring out anger in you. -
Bargaining:
Identify which parts of yourself you are doubting. -
Depression:
Remind yourself of situations where you felt worthy or happy. What did you do? How did you live? What did you love? -
Acceptance:
Identify new experiences that you can bring into your life that will bring you more contentment, happiness and fulfillment.
While higher awareness helped me plan, reshape my present and build a better future, the Emotion Code allowed me to release the 5 stages of grief energetically from my body. This combination is a true gamechanger.
Keep mastering your self-image so that your unique light can outshine the world!
With love and gratitude!
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